The semester is over, praise God, and I did great on my finals. I've been enjoying relaxing at home, working, and going to see family for Christmas and New Years. Today's topic is about moving on. This is a tricky one, but a new year is a new chance to forget and past and push towards the future. Those who know me will know that I have a very hard time moving on. I hold grudges, that's definitely not a secret. One of my resolutions this year has been to stop living in the past. You can read a million quotes on Pinterest about moving on, but it's way easier said than done. Due to how my wonky brain works, I tend to re-live or have what I call flashbacks about not so pleasant things in my past. This usually leaves me very upset and sleep-less. I can't stop the thoughts that come into my brain, but I can stop myself from dwelling on those thoughts. While not dwelling on the past is something that I would love to do, I've never been able to actually do it. Well not until New Year's Eve that is.
I was driving home from work on New Year's Eve and listening to my driving playlist. There is a song called "Scandal of Grace" by Hillsong United that I have sang multiple times at The Salt Company at school. This song had been coming up on my playlist a lot lately; I usually skipped it because the melody is kind of slow but coincidentally, I have been out of skips on Spotify every time this song comes on. Since I've been "forced" to listen to, the lyrics started to stick out to me more:
Grace, what have You done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood
Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
Death, where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
And mercy, my heart now to sing
The day and its trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
And it's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of Your love that my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
Nice lyrics right? There's no human explanation for what happened on New Year's Eve, but while listening to this song, it all suddenly made sense. Why on earth am I re-living the past? Jesus' love and grace has washed all of that away. Yes, a lot of bad things happened in 2015. I definitely didn't praise God when He deserved praise. I said things to people that were not very nice. I lost two friendships. I had suicidal thoughts. At times I was a very evil person, but grace and forgiveness washes all those things away! Of course, God's grace doesn't mean we can all run around saying and doing whatever we please. His grace catches us when we know we've messed up and we feel awful about it.
So instead of constantly playing over scenes of dark times or reading through old messages, I'm going to live in the grace that God has given me. To God, every day is like January 1st. His love, grace, and mercy will never run out or give up on us. No matter what our pasts include, God gives us a fresh start and a clean slate all the time. Why focus on so much bad in the past when there is this beautiful and incredible gift of grace that God has given us?! The concept of having an unlimited number of "second chances" gives me so much hope. That's why I titled this blog after one of the key phrases in the song: forever the hope in my heart. Everything that makes up God: His love, power, justice, mercy, and forgiveness should give us hope.
I want to make 2016 a year of new beginnings, new friendships, new loves, new discoveries, and new experiences. I also want to work towards accepting and loving myself. I definitely have a lot of weirdness and flaws, but guess what? The Creator of the universe loves and accepts me just the way I am!
Have a great 2016 and always remember that writing down your experiences is very healing and therapeutic :)Thanks for reading, you lovely human being!
Sarah
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